too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
