Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
