Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
