I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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