i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
