Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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