i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
barbara walters just said penis...
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
