I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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