I'm going to jail i love you
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
