I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
