A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
