there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
