my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
