my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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