he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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