Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
