I faked an abortion last night.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize