Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
