i permit you to call me
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
