so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
