Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
