Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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