how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
