Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
