Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
