Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
