so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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