Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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