I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
