May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
