Are we in a gay sports bar?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I deserve to be covered in dicks
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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