so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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