I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize