I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
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