after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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