Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
