You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I didn't shave. On purpose
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
