what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
My life is pants optional.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
