No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
