You're my little dorito
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
