apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
