Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
