he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
