i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
