I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize