dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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