Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
