Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
