I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize