Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
