I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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