Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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