HIV tests are more positive than that guy
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Randomize
