It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
