About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
