did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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