There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
