I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
