i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize