The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
