Whoa Z and x make the same sound
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
