if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
