Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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