Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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