At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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