what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
