Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Even my vagina gasped.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
