Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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