im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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