Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Randomize
