Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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